Let me start this post by saying I’m not a die-hard fan of Dr Who. But, in view of trying to review a mix of shows here on Square Eyes, I thought I’d give it a go this week. Variety is the spice of a TV life and all that.
It’s been many moons since I last sat down and watched an episode of Doctor Who. I may have dabbled here and then a few times into David Tenant’s quiffy-haired version, but prior to this it had been Sylvester McCoy, the 7th Doctor, back in the late 80s. He was the Doctor of my childhood viewing, with his little pork pie hat and big excited eyes. He had an assistant called Sophie something who wore a big puffa jacket (before Bianca Jackson stole the look) and the acting was pretty rubbish, oh and the sets moved. It did just enough though to scare the little pants off of me, and I do remember enjoying watching it on a weekly basis.
The Doctor Who of today is a much more slick affair, with a much needed investment in both it’s special effects and script department. With a string of high profile actors at the helm it’s a far cry from the stick-on lizard masks of the previous generation. Will I still like it with all this extra oomph? Better get on and review it...
Egypt 1334 BC. The Doctor has just been having some adventures in Egypt and is trying (unsuccessfully) to escape from the over-amorous clutches of the famous Egyptian diva herself - Queen Nefertiti. Oh well, might as well bring her along he thinks, I like picking up random historical figures, adds to the drama.
The Doctor speaks incredibly fast and randomly (though fans will tell me this is part of his crazy set up) and most of the time I’m not sure what the heck is going on. However, if an 8 year old kid can understand him every Saturday evening, then surely I can, right? He picks up the Ponds (I will refer to them as the Ponds even though the end credits tell me only Amy is legally a Pond), well he crashes in on them while they are trying to work out how to fix a light fitting, along with Rory’s gormless Dad. Suburbia is so often disturbed by a time lord when fixing electrics. Anyway, all 3 of them come along for the ride, and on the way he makes his posse complete by picking up a posh English explorer from 1902. Wham, he has a gang! All they need now is an annoying dog and they can board the Mystery Machine.
They land on this space ship, and surprise surprise not all is as it seems on the lonely vessel. Something is lurking, no it’s not Sigourney Weaver coming out of retirement dressed as an alien. “I know, Dinosaurs on a spaceship!!” the Doctor says so excitedly that his bow tie might just pop off. Roll pimped up titles, someone’s had fun recreating these and adding lots of lightening flashes.
Anyway, bling titles over - the dinosaurs are not best pleased and are after the gang. The Doctor, Rory and Rory’s Dad, Brian, are unexpectedly teleported to some windswept beach (probably Pembrokeshire then.) They stare a lot at a random computer embedded into the rocks, and deduce that the spaceship is being controlled by the waves (not sure whether the watery variety or the radio variety.) Oh no, Pterodactyls appear in the sky. Run! They actually look pretty realistic (not that I lived during the roaming of dinosaurs, but I’ve seen the pictures) well done BBC special effects dept. They escape into a cave and are then confronted by two comedy robots, voiced by the two guys from Peep Show. “We’re very cross with you” they say “you are going straight to the naughty step!” Super Nanny is that you encased in metal with a comedy English accent?
The world’s tallest woman, Amy Pond, and the other two historical dudes meanwhile find some data records (they are sooo good at finding all these computers among all the scary reptiles.) They reveal that whoever ran the ship left in a major hurry (or were they wiped out? ooo it’s a mystery), turns out they were some strange sounding species that Pond can say, but whose name I can neither spell or say. They had lizardy heads and talked in a posh accent (as all Doctor Who baddies do.) “We’re on an ark” Amy shouts “why are the dinosaurs still on board? and why is the ship still coming back to earth?” she asks. I don’t know either Amy, perhaps a new installation at The Natural History Museum??
The Doctor is taken by the funny robots to an old creepy guy called Soloman. He listens to classical music (why do baddies always have a thing for Mozart?) Soloman is all wires and tubes, and a breathless wheeze, he expects the Doctor to make him better (chewed legs following a dinosaur run in.) Come on man, it’s obvious this guy is the bad dude. Turns out he got rid of the lizard people as he wanted the dinosaur cargo for himself, what a nasty man. He needs help to get to where he wants to go (not a very easy to read sentence is it!?) and expects the Doc to assist.
Blah blah blah (I’m getting a bit bored of the story now) they all mount a dozey Triceratops and run like the wind, while being chased by the comedy duo robots, oh and there are missiles heading for the space ship from earth . “So what’s the plan?” asks the eternally gormless Rory. “The missiles are locked onto us we can’t out run them we have to save the dinosaurs and get Nefertiti back from Soloman isn’t it obvious!” Gasp, yes no punctuation here as this is how the Doctor speaks. Just a passing thought, but there are times that Matt Smith sounds a bit like Bill Nighy. O o o, Bill Nighy for the next Doctor, someone for the silver generation?!
Back to a storyline which seems to be running through the series, but which I really don’t get,not being an avid viewer. The whole Doctor-Rory-Amy three-some...what is going on here? It’s obvious that she lurves him, or am I just an amateur viewer and missing something deep rooted? Answers on a postcard please. Amy tells the doc it’s longer in between the adventures they have together, and accuses him of weaning them off of him. Tension. He denies this of course, and they have a moment, before there is some big explosion or something.
Rory and his Dad end up being the heroes of the day, steering the space ship (do you steer a space ship?) “Rory we’re flying a spaceship” says Brian excitedly. The baddie meanwhile gets blown up by the missiles. Yay. They all live happily ever after, and Brian even gets to have a ride in the Tardis and go on some adventures.
Doctor Who is a funny one. I think it tries a bit too hard sometimes, especially with some of the dialogue which tends to try and be a bit too clever and innuendo ridden, Amy Pond mentioning “a lesson in gender politics” sits a bit strangely. There is no doubt that it is adventuresome and exciting for a certain audience, and it’s very stylish to look at (obviously a lot of hard work goes into it’s looks.) But, I can’t help thinking (opps sounding a bit like Carrie Bradshaw there) that it spends too much time focusing on the main characters (same old same every week) and not actually spending enough time on making a really good and original story which is watchable in every episode. Maybe I just picked a bad episode to review! Often feels like they are also in a bit of a storyline rush to get from start to finish as quick as possible. I’m all for either an old dude or a woman to be the next Doctor, mix it up in sci-fi land, who knows, either that or Boris Johnson as the next Doctor, he certainly ticks all the crazy boxes.
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